Smalltalk with the Neighbours

Posted on Sun 10 May 2020 • Tagged with Graz

Today, a very large bug jumped in when I opened my right window. I was displeased and moved to the left window to have a conversation that I felt was long overdue.

Smaller Spider: The human is coming. Quick, look non-threatening!

Me: Yo, spider-san. We need to have a talk.
Large Spider: I can’t understand you very well, maybe open the window?
Me: Yeah, no, I’m not falling for that.
Spider: heh, worth a try.
Me: I thought we had an agreement?
The spider takes a long drag on its cigarette.
Spider: That agreement being?
Me: I leave you, your net and your coworkers in peace while you keep the bugs out.
Spider: Did we, huh?
The spider looks out towards the river.
Me: Pretty sure we did.
Spider: Listen, kid. You’re in no position to make demands here. I know you’re scared of me. Get lost.
Me: That may be so, spider-san. But I assure you that the vacuum cleaner is not scared of you.
Vacuum cleaner: Leave me out of this.
Me: Shut up or you go back to the dark closet immediately, without food.
The vacuum cleaner stares accusingly. It remains silent but I hear faint music from its earphones. The track is End of an Empire - Comaduster Remix. The vacuum cleaner often feels like it is subtle, but really, it’s not.
Spider: You just MURDERED one of my friends, Alex. I have seen it happening.
Me: Jep. Because they crossed the line. I have explicitly said on many occasions that entering the apartment is a death sentence for your kind. Hanging over my head while I was playing video games was a very bad move.
The spider takes another drag on its cigarette and is quiet for some time.
Spider: We’ll talk about this again, human.
Me: Say, where do you stay in winter?
Spider: Attic.
The spider responds too quickly for my taste but I don’t have any evidence of the opposite.
Me: Is that so?
All the spider does is wait in stony silence. I make a point of ignoring the spider outside the window and leave.

Smalltalk with the Neighbours is part 3 of From the inner city:

  1. The A1 Internet Odyssey
  2. Nighttime excursions
  3. Smalltalk with the Neighbours