My mind latches to something that is still on my desk. I only recently took it out of a bag I use for work. It’s a ticket to a show of Apocalyptica in Graz, from 2017.
I remember talking with A about the show during a vacation in Greece. I wasn’t sure I had the time and nerve to go see it. She assured me it would be nice change of pace and might improve my mood. After all, I tremendously liked Apocalyptica and “20 Years of Plays Metallica by four Cellos”, sounded awesome. I still remember the hoops we had to jump through to get the ticket online and pay with card. It felt more complicated than it should, really. The ticket websites usually do. The seat selection was especially awful, as is tradition for this kind of website.
I had enjoyed the Apocalyptica concert in Vienna back in 2010 and decided to splurge the €60 for one of the best seats, a “Logenplatz”. I was looking forward to the concert in that moment. The show was going to be on the Kasemattenbühne, which is the stage at the top of the Schlossberg. Awesome.
Flash forward a few days. We had returned to Austria. I wasn’t well. I had trouble sleeping and on the day of the concert I was feeling particularly unwell which prompted me to take a short nap. Which became… not so short. I woke up in the evening, a bit dizzy. A returned from where ever she had been and asked me why I wasn’t at the concert. I had completely forgotten the show. I could’ve started and tried to catch a last few songs but I couldn’t be bothered. I had totally screwed myself with this ticket and the nap.
I should’ve set an alarm or something. I mean, you would, right? But sometimes your physical condition does strange things to your awareness of reality. Lack of sleep is bad. That’s not all though. I think I may have been in the early stages of depression back then.
I crumble the envelope and throw the ticket into the paper shredder. Maybe I have better luck with 30 years of cellos.
This post was written in back in 2017. It lingered unpublished in my drafts folder. Only now - in 2018 - I reworked it and decided I was confident enough to publish more personal stories.